In data from 37,000 college students, narcissistic personality traits rose just as fast as obesity from the 1980s to the present, with the shift especially pronounced for women. The rise in narcissism is accelerating, with scores rising faster in the 2000s than in previous decades.
How to Manage a Narcissist
And narcissism can be quite beneficial in the short term. They make fantastic first impressions. In job interviews and on first dates, narcissists get results. And in youth, being a narcissist makes you happier.
Narcissists are more likely to become leaders and narcissists who obsessively work hard are more likely to get promoted. But the stuff that works for them so well in the short term proves lethal in the long term.
One possibility is to set up a situation where acts of caring and kindness are aligned with admiration and success. In other words, show narcissists that they can get their narcissistic needs met by acting like decent, caring people.
An estimated 5% of the U.S population may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which means over 16 million people might experience the condition. With that many people experiencing NPD, there is a fairly high probability you know someone who is severely narcissistic. When confronted with toxic narcissism, removing yourself from the relationship is often the best course of action. But what can you do when that person is a family member?
Narcissism is far more complex than mere vanity or selfish tendencies. True narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder known as narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is described by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a pattern of grandiosity, the need for admiration and a lack of empathy. An individual with NPD is fixated on their own uniqueness, self-importance and sense of entitlement.
It is important to remember that narcissistic qualities run along a spectrum. While we all can go through bouts of selfishness or self-consciousness, there is a difference between having a few narcissistic characteristics and having NPD. Those who feel they may be a narcissist most likely are not one because true narcissists lack the empathetic sort of self-reflection required to wonder whether they have a personality disorder.
Many times, cutting a person who displays severely narcissistic qualities out of your life is the most viable and effective way to prevent further emotional trauma or abuse. This decision may not be an option if you are related to or living with someone who has NPD. When leaving is not an option, you need a new set of strategies for dealing with a narcissistic family member.
Because those with NPD are concerned with themselves and tend to see themselves as the hero, they may attempt to blame you for their behaviors. They view themselves as victims because they refuse to recognize they may play a part in any problem. Continuing to argue with a narcissist will only reaffirm their preconception that you are the one attacking them. Instead, disengage from the conversation and do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation.
When restricting your contact with a narcissistic family member, clearly communicate your boundaries. Make sure they know you will break off contact if certain behaviors persist, and be specific about the circumstances and how you will respond. You can tell a narcissist you want to spend time with them, for instance, but if they make insulting comments about your career, you will have to leave the room. This technique puts the ball in their court by allowing them to choose whether or not to comply.
Unfortunately, those with NPD do not often have a sense of boundaries. They might resort to manipulating others to meet their needs. Although you cannot control the behaviors of a narcissist, you can control your own. Family members of a narcissist often become accustomed to enabling narcissists to avoid a fight. But you can refuse to participate in this cycle any longer by setting limits on what you will do.
You may stop allowing your narcissistic family member to speak to you disrespectfully anymore or quit agreeing with any disparaging words they share about others. You may also stop replying to texts so frequently or set a time limit on your phone conversations to avoid listening to rants.
Be prepared for the possibility that your narcissistic family member does not respect your boundaries. Those with NPD tend to view themselves as the most important person in the world. Despite your best efforts to reach a compromise, the only effective solution may be to cut off contact completely. If this is the case, there is no shame in cutting ties for the sake of your own mental health.
Whether you decide to cut ties or get the distance you need in another way, counseling can offer the resources you need to stop enabling a narcissistic family member while remaining connected as a family.
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Taking the time to learn about the behaviors exhibited by narcissists can help you be proactive in handling them. Once you know your narcissistic employee has a propensity toward causing strife in the workplace with his sense of entitlement, arrogance and a tendency to put others down while inflating himself, you can take steps to prevent this from occurring. Managing a narcisstic requires setting clear, definite guidelines provide a narcissistic employee with direction and focus, according to FELTG. Likewise, creating behavioral expectations for this employee and adhering to them can assist the narcissist in reigning in his offensive tendencies.
A narcissist often excels in situations that put him at the center of attention. With clearly defined expectations in place, you can lead a narcisstic employee toward becoming an effective presenter for your business. Although training and practice may be necessary, a narcissistic employee that can keep his focus on the business during the presentation, while thriving on being front and center before a group of attentive people, can present material with confidence and enthusiasm. Managing a narcissist entails focusing on the narcissistic employee's strengths and utilizing these skills appropriately. By doing so, you can help a narcissistic employee find a niche in the company that's mutually beneficial.
Narcissism isn't just a name for someone who behaves like an arrogant bully in the workplace; it's an actual psychological disorder. A narcissistic employee whose behavior is creating strife in the workplace will continue to do so unless appropriate measures are taken. Have your human resources team work with the counseling service to whom employees are referred. Appropriate counseling services can help the employee manage behavior if he's open to receiving constructive criticism and learning how to change his behavior.
The Society for Human Resource Management, or SHRM, suggests that managers should keep consistent documentation of conversations they've had with narcissistic employees about incidents of inappropriate workplace behavior. When a narcissistic employee's behavior causes stress with other employees, you are likely to receive complaints and grievances within the workplace.
It's important to document these instances to have a record on hand, especially when all other tactics fail and it appears you might have to take disciplinary action against the narcissistic employee or look into terminating him. Follow your company's procedures for disciplinary action to help curb the narcissist's behaviors or to build a case for termination, if it becomes necessary.
Dr Lynda Shaw, neuroscientist, business psychologist and behavioural change specialist explains how to manage a narcissist in the workplace today to ensure better productivity, teamwork and wellbeing.
People with narcissistic rage can be hurtful. Learning how to communicate with them may help you protect yourself from physical and emotional harm. Try some of the following strategies for coping with NPD:
Stinson FS, Dawson DA, Goldstein RB, et al. Prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV narcissistic personality disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. J Clin Psychiatry. 2008;69(7):1033-1045.
Wang D. A study of the relationship between narcissism, extraversion, drive for entertainment, and narcissistic behavior on social networking sites. Comput Hum Behav. 2017;66:138-148. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2016.09.036
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is different and pathological. It is a diagnosis not to be taken lightly, requiring comprehensive consideration of diagnostic criteria and intensive management, including long-term psychotherapy by a treating psychiatrist.
Also, try to maintain a constructive relationship with your manager/senior doctor to whom you make the formal complaint. During an investigation, anticipate that the bully will deny your allegations and attack your integrity, competence and work ethic. For these reasons, attempts at mediation are often not appropriate. Avoid being defensive, but be ready to calmly counter these unfair attacks when they are brought to your attention. Stay focused on the main issues when you make a complaint, and always use facts and evidence, not hearsay or rumor. 2ff7e9595c
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